Science has shown it is your heart that emits the most powerful electro-magnetic field (your brain only comes second - the heart's field is 60 times bigger!), and researchers at the HeartMath Institute have been puzzled by their finding that the heart can even know things before our mind does (says Dr. Rollin McCraty, executive vice president and director of research for the Institute of HeartMath, in Boulder Creek, California -in the book The Intention Experiment by Lynn McTaggart- using Dr. Dean Radin's study with a computerized system of randomly generated arousing photos, hooking up his participants to a larger complement of medical equipment: 'after the heart receives the information, it communicates this information to the brain').
So how do we listen best? By loving ourselves & others.
What does it mean to love oneself?
Take care of your own heart; it is your engine, the most powerful tool you've got.
It is the lens through which you perceive the world: how you treat your own heart, or take care of your loving yourself with, and beyond, your emotions, will find an echo in how you treat others.
To love oneself if to listen really carefully to what makes you happy, unhappy, feel good or bad, if this particular action is giving you energy. And to go the way that builds you up. To give yourself compassion when you are feeling down, upset or scared of something.
Love more of your own diversity of behaviors, ways, moods, etc. Be kinder to yourself. Your inner self-talk should mirror the nicest person you know would talk to you. Because you will think clearer. And if you think clearer, you have more personal power.
Catch yourself listening to your own self-talk.
Then notice that if you can hear your thoughts, you are not them.
Your real you is the best, highest, clearest, most powerful, loving, peaceful, etc. version of yourself - sometimes called your soul or spirit, the part of you that has always been with you, no matter how young: how does that deeper, safe, peaceful, happy you feel?
Focus on the good, beautiful, awesome person you already are. Actively look for what's great in you.
Then start embracing the flawed human being that you are. An equally important part to loving what's good in you, is loving what's broken, weak, or simply low-energy in you! Self-compassion allows for empathy for others' failings and shortcomings. Because you have come to terms with yours, you have empathy for others'.
Because you have filled your mental space with self-respect, love, and empathy - you echo respect, appreciate, and compassion for others.
You have come full circle, congratulations! Relational peace and self-compassion are energy-efficient (when you think about the wasted energy on unnecessary fights, finding the sacred space from which you can hold your full humanity saves a lot of energy for later).
So what conditions need to be in place for more self-love?
We need to find a place and time to feel, where we can be contained with out pain, a person with whom to feel that overwhelming emotion in a way that we are legitimate for feeling it (= safe to be in pain, and be loved at the same time - that person could be us, a therapist, a friend, a family member...), because the person/people knowing it are in a good emotional/spiritual/physical place, yet can still connect to us, and hold us to the safety and goodness of this world.
So:
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Find the conditions in which to listen to your true self: by yourself, or with someone who doesn’t want to ‘fix’ your ‘broken’. You want someone who is kind, and engaged in being connected to you as a worthy person, no matter what state you are in, committed to listening to what's really important to you underneath, to your values and emotions, to your life path. Someone who has hope for you, trusts in your abilities, and respects your ways.
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Someone who knows it is generally safe and good to be here (or when you feel generally safe and good enough to feel your emotions), someone who has enough safety in them to ‘contain’ your insecurity, anchoring you to here-and-now in the process of listening.
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Take the time to really listen to your emotion and body here & now; resist the impulse to talk, do something, or think about something ‘better’.
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Feel your emotion long enough (it takes 90 seconds at most, so however bad it feels, it's doable) to sense what it is like in our body: is it moving? Describe and observe its size, shape, movement. Let it circulate and do what it has to do (reinforce our body/mind/value, feel the safety and harmony of the present moment, see how much you value something, etc.: all emotions have a good purpose , and a job to do.
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Feeling an emotion frees up mental and emotional space, and lets the body flow to its natural rhythm again. The final gain is that there is no bad emotion, it is simply is your soul pointing to an important need of yours through your body; and it will transform into strength.
And other people take their cue from us: they will treat us like we treat ourselves (and hence allow other people to treat us). So: self-love.
What can you do to take care of how you feel now/today/this week?
Is there someone safe you can feel with?