Because it makes you Healthier & Smarter
Integrating Emotion & Reason
When you relax and feel what is, when you let go from shame and blame, and go instead to the validation of your deeper needs/values (with hope & support), your emotion and reason start to communicate, & they act as one (think thick corpus callosum*, or the area that links the two sides of your brain).
*On a side note, the corpus callosum is thicker in women, and grows with mindfulness.
Personal & Relational Safety (being Loved + Free)= Relaxation = Integration of (Emotion + Reason)= Optimal Health & Thinking
Beyond our biases and expectations, when we flexibly move between the range of emotions, safely and lovingly connected, as needed (like babies and children), we recover the health of our system. It is the variability that constitutes (mental, physical, societal) health, the ability to dynamically respond to the situation, to be heard, validated, and then to let go, moved to another level of consciousness expansion.
The ability to feel, express, share, and be supported in one's vulnerability, or to express anger in a safe environment (without hurting anyone, nor being shamed or judged); or the luck to be able to experience full love and celebrate it with people who are happy for you - all of it is emotional hygiene: it lets the system function well, for a long time.
If you ignore/deny an emotion, the value underlying the emotion - the treasure - will keep calling, through various means and life situations, until you dig deep enough to find the treasure (the emotional need, the embodied value)!
When the different sides of you become accessible, when you can relate to different parts of you at once, or move flexibly from one to the other, from a stable core, you are integrated, coherent, and your brain functions as a healthy whole. You have a rich life, you are mentally healthy, because you know all your sides have a point: the rational side, the emotional side, the social, more detached, responsible, adult, free, child-like, etc., all have a purpose. They each operate for the well-being and the balance of your (eco)system, and each has a role to play.
Care for yourself enough to listen to them in compassion (or having somebody else do it/hold the space for you).
Gandhi was able to give hours-long speeches without notes and lead a nation, because, according to his translator, everything he said, he did; his life was one of coherence: everything was tied together. And that happens in relaxation. And relaxation happens when we have made peace with the larger, higher truth: truth is kind, love, compassion, connection, peace.
Interpersonal neurobiology, as researched and defined by Dr. Dan Siegel (watch any of his videos to understand 'What is a healthy mind?') highlights that integration -from a stable, eternal, unshakeable core- is good for your health, energy, and resilience.
Other people have a role to play in raising our awareness of previously unknown parts of the system: our role is to relax, feel, and act from this consciously connected place; and to make sure we make the space for this connection.
One word of caution: if you have experienced trauma (iestimated at 50% of people, we litterally have trauma-inducing societal structures), it might not be easy to relax, and might even be threatening to feel what is here, now. Please have a look here to embrace more of you, so that you know you are valid, and you can protect your self-worth and your dignity, knowing your body & subconscious knows you experienced something overwhelming and disconnecting, and you know your body and subconscious mind is doing exactly what it's supposed to do when you feel safe enough to feel more. Emotional release of long-held tension is healing, when embraced and accompanied, when honored for the connecting human experience it brings (and later, for the sacred message: the treasure!).
Cultural Neuroregulation
What happens in the human experience is that we unconsciously conform to the cultural and relational expectations of people around us (children are in a state of hypnosis until the age of 7: everything comes in unfiltered by personal opinion - they litterally are what people think of them, and this will determine their whole life -unless they deconstruct it later). This can lead to repressed emotional or deeper parts of ourselves, that have nowhere to go but the subconscious, and consume inordinate amounts of energy, just to be kept unconscious; we are drained, litterally - or have a quick fuse, for lack of addressing what's really important to us (because at the time we didn't have the necessary safe, listening, containing social environment of peace, love, awareness, etc. to help us with what was going on). Now it is possible to find therapeutic and mindful settings, to recreate the safety for those long-stuck feelings to come up, and be gently dealt with - so that they reveal the true treasures that they were trying to carry through to our awareness the whole time. They were just waiting for some love, patience, and care.
Starting from a place of Safety, all parts of ourselves (for example, self-control and spontaneity) naturally keep each other balanced (as in upper and lower brain, mediated by the limbic middle brain center -see Dan Siegel's hand-model of the brain here -, where the acceptance of emotional states allows one to move from fight-flight-freeze reptilian reflexes -or ‘lower brain’ to ‘upper brain’ (pre-frontal cortex) nuance, analysis, and planning.
We can co-regulate each other to a stronger immune system, growth, repair, but also bright thinking, creativity and inclusive action: Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory puts light on the fact that social support & health and repair's neural pathways are utilizing the same network: in other words, empathetic relationships & social support = health & repair from a neurological perspective. Compassionate presence and support is healing: we rewire our body and brain for efficiency & optimal, outstanding functioning (our repair & immune system gets better, we think better, we learn, get more creative, able to collaborate and listen to other people, relate; we are also more resilient (able to deal with, and bounce off from, challenges).
Thanks to emotional contagion, your network gradually becomes healthier, and is able to support its members through ups and downs, and celebrate the wins and the joys together.
First, take time to anchor relational safety in yourself (body, mind and spirit), so you are able to stay present in your body when you listen.
In order to hold space for another, you have to be seen, to have been given (or made for yourself) space, love, and compassion, first. And that requires you make time for this vital work. Here are a few ideas: Heart Coherence.
Try to take a break where you can relax into the present moment: take three deep breaths.
Then try this quick grounding exercise from therapist Emma McAdam: breathe, notice through your 5 senses)